Friday, April 1, 2022, Jeffrey Wechsler

 Title: I am nobody's fool! I am going to rock your world!

Sadly, the Chairman had to bow out of this write-up as he was not up to the challenge. All his years slapping us around never prepared him to have, let alone use an imagination. So appropriately on this first day of April, known as April Fool's Day, he called on me, Curly Joe , the reincarnation of the fourth and final performer to share the stage with Moe and his cousin Larry Fine, to save his bacon (they were not observant of the dietary laws). I am relied on to unravel a Friday fun fest from the overly-productive Jeffrey Wechsler who lives to hear his audience whimper. I am new to this so bear with me, I am going to begin with the one and only theme answer. 

37A. Architectural marker, or what can be found four times in this puzzle: CORNER STONE (11). A cornerstone is a ceremonial building block, usually placed ritually in the outer wall of a building to commemorate its dedication. They have been aound for millenia.

If I knew puzzles would be so easy to make... what does that mean? I left no stone unturned in contemplating these building blocks, which brings me to my first Joe-sho:

Well back to what it all meant. To prepare I went back and reread many of Mr. Wechsler's prior puzzles and concluded the man is whack. I could not stop there, as I knew that would not be much of a write-up. So this is what I decided...it is another of those damn visuals Lemony talked about last week. 

In the top right corner if you go up continuously from MARB and turn right to BLE you have MARBLE,  a metamorphic rock composed of recrystallized carbonate minerals, most commonly calcite or dolomite. This is the"stone in the corner" a corner stone. The words spins around the B. 

In the top left corner if you go right from BAS and then down to SALT you see BASALT which is an aphanitic extrusive igneous rock formed from the rapid cooling of low-viscosity lava rich in magnesium and iron. This time S is the pivot. 

In the bottom left you go down from SHA then turn left to ALE you will see SHALE which is a soft, finely stratified sedimentary rock that formed from consolidated mud or clay and can be split easily into fragile slabs. This time A is the pivot. 

Lastly in the bottom right corner if you start with the PUM and turn right and combine with the MICE you get PUMICE  a very light and porous volcanic rock formed when a gas-rich froth of glassy lava solidifies rapidly. We have one that spins on the M. It all spells MBSP which means nothing to me. 

The constuctor uses these in a rather haphazard way, three 6 letter rocks and only one 5 letter; we have 2 rocks formed from lava, 1 metamporphic and 1 sedimentary rock; but the most telling flaw is the flow, or rather absence thereof. Basalt is the hardest, Marble next, Shale and then poor porous Pumice. Why didn't we get these in the proper order? Hardest to softest...maybe the clues could be scaled not by the day but by their place in the grid.

He tries to show off and distract us with so many long shiny words like BRAMBLE,  ETERNAL, LITERAL, NATASHA, SPURTED, WAHINES, ECONOMIC, EMIGRATE, SAIL AWAY,  THE BRAVE, BROTHERLY, and the most appropriate  I'LL FORGET which I certainly will this puzzle. I am done, I am out of here. 

Wait, Moe says I have to do the whole thing! What did I get myself into? 

My first limerick

There was an old man who performed,

But sadly his body was deformed.

So his jokes were hurtful and mean,

And none could ever be called clean.

He died on stage, never reformed.

Now that you all are in the proper mood for a day of fun...

Across:

1. Came out in the wash?: BLED. If you stab someone use a thin knife like a stiletto, the cut does not bleed much. Oh, he meant the fabric color bleeds, why didn't he say so?

5. Support pieces: STUDS. Some of my best lady friends are supporting their young men. 

10. Execs' wall displays: MBAS. I doubt that, maybe they have diplomas on the wall but not random letters.

14. Houston campus: RICE. I did not know they grew rice in Houston? I thought that only grew in watery swamp like areas? Why build a school there? Be careful all you Texans.

15. Fiddlers follower, in verse: THREE. I know this one...

16. Soft drink opener?: COCA. I never mix chocolate or cocaine with soda.

17. Small step: A TO B. I do have small feet.

18. Flight maintenance word: DEICE.  Limerick 2...

I am told I have to be nice,

And eat my chicken and rice.

Do not drink too much wine,

We'll have fun while we dine

Only if Tinbeni's drink I deice.

19. Worldwide: Abbr.: INTL. International, at least he tells us this one is an abbreviation.

20. Lists for patrons: MENUS. Which ones? Merriam-Webster tells us the definition is:

1a: a person chosen, named, or honored as a special guardian, protector, or supporter

a patron of the arts

  b: a wealthy or influential supporter of an artist or writer

  c: a social or financial sponsor of a social function (such as a ball or concert)

2: one that uses wealth or influence to help an individual, an institution, or a cause

a patron of the city library

3: one who buys the goods or uses the services offered especially by an establishment

a restaurant's patrons.

We finally made it to a restaurant...

22. Toucan's pride: BEAK. Did you know it is made of keratin, like human hair and is quite light and cannot be used for protection?  This brings me to my second Joe-sho:

            

23. I.M. Pei alma mater: MIT. Where else could he go?

24. Like much love: BROTHERLY. Moe loves me like a brother. 

See how he pushed Cousin Larry out of the picture?

26. Word with board or mentioned: ABOVE. I hope you are not bored with my stooge mentions which brings me to my limerick 3.

The Stooges were supposed to be three;

Moe Larry, first Shemp and then Curly.
Shemp left and came back when Curly got sick

But those three could never together stick;

They tried other Curlys but ended up with me.

28. Sudden flight: LAM. Rack of lam is one of my favorites, but I usually have it with the b?  

29. Actress Longoria: EVA. Is she related to Eva Braun? Ooo ooo, I looked at her picture. maybe she could relate to me!
30. Came out suddenly: SPURTED. I might just!

32. Romance novelist Hilderbrand: ELIN. She has written about NANTUCKET  which reminds me of a classic limerick...sorry it was censored.

34. Natural climber: IVY.

36. SUV part, briefly: UTE.

41. WWII org. with a Pallas Athene symbol: WAC. Before my time. 
Women's Army Corps

42. __ Paulo: SAO. Saint Paul.

43. Govt. agents: T-MEN. My grandson plays t-ball.

46. Some surfers: WAHINES. The word wahine came into English in the late 18th century from Maori, the language of a Polynesian people native to New Zealand; it was originally used for a Maori woman, especially a wife. The word is now used for a woman or a young girl in Hawaiian. In the US we call them surfer girls.  

Limerick 4

Like MLK I too had a dream,

I saw a surfboard that did gleam;

Riding the board was a wahine

So I whispered something obscene,

Before long I awoke with scream!

50. "It depends" components: IFS. Ands and butts!

52. Give-go link: IT A. Give it a go; that is what I am doing.

53. Ain't like it oughta be?: AREN'T. The gramma police are out in force.

54. "Please remind me": I'LL FORGET. I already did

57. VII x CCC: MMC. I don't do math.

58. Ottoman honorific: AGHA. Fancy words for a foot stool.

59. Hall of Famer who was a Yankee manager and a Mets coach: BERRA. This clue must have been written by Will Sortz, I mean Shortz. He loves the Yankees but he does not know the whole history.

LINK.

60. Canapé delicacy: PATÉ. I think this is what the rappers are singing about when I hear "paté time". Foie gras is foie gross to me.

62. Astonished: IN AWE. As you all must be by now.

64. Keeps out: BANS. 

65. Yard, for one: UNIT. It makes you need to pee so bad.

66. 67-Across sites: MESAS. Ours in Arizona are more better.

67. Rockies state: UTAH.

68. Modern navigation aids: MICE. I should have used this for Limerick 2.

69. Court orders: STAYS. That's what I tell my dog. Man I am tired, 

70. Ward of "FBI": SELA. She left the show years ago. Who makes these clues?

Down:

1. Berry bush: BRAMBLE. Isn’t that where Br’er  Rabbit went?

2. True to the original: LITERAL.

3. Like Paul Samuelson's field: ECONOMIC. Paul Samuelson? Wiki says: Paul Anthony Samuelson was an American economist, who was the first American to win the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences.

4. Rollout: DEBUT. This is my debut as blogger; I had no idea how much work it was going to be.

5. Criterion: Abbr.: STD. This is standard abbreviation fill I am told.

6. Key ending words?: THE BRAVE. So cute, Francis Scott and land of the...

7. Archangel of repentance: URIEL. I watched Lucifer on Netflix and he did not seem very repentant.

8. Falls into ruin: DECAYS. I know, I have to take care of my teeth.

9. Try to locate: SEEK. I am looking for a dentist who likes Nitrous Oxide.

10. Defunct AT&T rival: MCI. Is't that where IMP worked?

11. Witticism: BONMOT.

12. Still at it: ACTIVE. I am but I am tired.

Joe-sho 3

13. Like roads in winter, at times: SALTED. Or the rims of the margarita glass.

21. Maritime pronoun: SHE. 

Limerick 5

They say all boats are girls.

So they name them like pearls.

But women we often learn,

Would like to see us burn;

So they make our sails unfurl.

25. Expose: EVINCE. Who is this Vince?

26. Road runner: AUTO. I thought he was a bird. 

27. Spiner of "Star Trek: T.N.G.": BRENT. This was the robot guy

31. Postpone: PUT OFF. I can't put off finishing this, it is a 

33. Bad sort of situation: NOW IN. I thought it meant the situation I am in, but I now see it is NO WIN, which is no better.

35. Annual arrivals: Abbr.: YRS. They are coming faster now

38. Tirade: RANT.

39. Subtitle of Enya's Grammy-winning "Orinoco   Flow": SAILAWAY.
40. Settle in a new country: EMIGRATE. All this immigration emigration talk grates on my nerves, and I do not know if I am coming or going. Where did I hear that before?

44. Always there: ETERNAL. I am beginning to think this puzzle is forever.

45. Boris' sidekick: NATASHA. Alone he was never badenov.

46. Old Native American currency beads: WAMPUM. This seems very unPC for the woke generation. 

47. Luxury fashion name: ARMANI.

48. More than busy: HECTIC. One armed paper hanger...

49. Seal on a ring: SIGNET. Signet rings have been around for centuries and were traditionally engraved with a monogram or symbol that could be pressed into hot wax to create a seal, not a sea lion.

51. Blubber: SOB. I admit we large men do tend to sob and it looks a bit like a whale.

55. Capital at 12,000 feet: LHASA. You bet you find that in Tibet.

56. Picture puzzle: REBUS. Not the fancy crossword ones
                                    

58. Intentions: AIMS. I aim to  get out of here.

61. Summer at the Sorbonne: ÉTÉ. I learned that in school.

63. Start to snow?: ESS. The start of the word snow, and the end of my being here, I was really snowed by Moe. Be well. CJ.

I would like to tell you how much fun I had, but I hate lying to people I don't know. I am sending this off and wish you all luck.

Oh wow, I mailed the write up to Lemon to post and I guess his email included Mr. Wechsler address and I received the following! Oy vey!

Memo:

From: Jeffrey Wechsler

Re: Today’s crossword

What?  This puzzle is published on a Friday?  This isn’t one of those insidiously tricky Friday puzzle themes that sometimes raise people’s hackles– maybe it’s a Thursday, or even a Wednesday.  Hey, I ‘ve got a reputation to protect!  So – um, wait – it’s April Fools’ Day!  Maybe that’s it.  But wait – are you calling me a fool?  Wrong day and an insult?  I want to complain to the editor!  Wait, what – the editorship is changing?  Are they using that as an excuse?  Maybe I should sue.  Any lawyers involved in this review?  Maybe I should check with this Lemonade character who sometimes writes on Fridays.  Lemonade: Ha!  What a moniker!  With that name he must be a real sourpuss.  (But sometimes the writer is Chairman Moe; that sounds like Chairman Mao – might be a subversive, someone should check into it.)  But maybe I should think twice about getting a lawyer: didn’t someone once write “Let’s kill all the lawyers”?  Who was that?  Oh, yeah, some guy supposedly named Shakespeare.  Now that’s a made-up name if ever I heard one!  Just some scribbler who used weird words like “hath” and “doth” and crazy contractions like “e’er” and “e’en”.  Totally not worth quoting.  

And perhaps I should dial it down.  The Crossword Corner is generally a calm oasis among crossword blogs; I shouldn’t rock the boat.  And its participants are so varied – they might be Irish or Canadian, they range from a Husker to a Jinx.  Sometimes reading their comments provides a Ray-O-Sunshine.  (I’d better stop here; my eyes are getting Misty.)  So, an April Fools’ Day toast to this blog (including even those who still misspell my last name) and especially to whoever runs the Corner – not a big drink, maybe a very, very tiny one, maybe just one CC.

YAD SLOOF LIRPA!

F